Uh-oh?

I open the mailbox today and there is so much mail for me. I remember being smaller and whining about not getting any mail. But now look. I got the mail and I don't want it. The first few things are college financial aid stuff. I'll simply pass that on to my mother seeing as she's the one that will be paying for most of it. The next thing that I see? A call to jury duty? I was like, "Aww man, why?"

So I called my mom and told her and she was like, "Oh my God that is something I've always wanted!"

I'm like, "What are you talking about? This is totally something I don't want."

And she proceeds to tell me how jealous she is of me. I just turned 18 for crying out loud (which is legal anyway). But oh well, the state has it's reasons. I have no choice but to reply to it or I can get into trouble. I don't think I would be good enough to decide someone's fate, that's why I really don't want to be appart of this. But again, another test of the wolf. Each day is a new day, hence another test of my wits or something of the sort. Besides, I can look at the bright side and see that it is a new opportunity for me. This is supposedly the arena of the Scorpio (law and dectiveness), and even better that I have a little Libra in me (scales of justice) as I was born on the cusp. Although... I don't get along with Libras if I get too close. lol

Halt

It's been a few days since I've last posted. I think really, I need a break from the internet. I know, it sounds weird coming from me. Actually, a lot of weird things have been happening to me lately and therefore, I need lots of time for inner reflection. I mean, blog is cool and all, but there are things so deep, that I'm not sure I can even express in words (as much as I like to write too). I have a lot of talking with Spirit that I need to get done with before I move on. Life right now has seemed to halt, which is very weird for me because it seems my mind and emotions travel far quicker than time allows in reality. So I guess this is essentially a good time for me to just chill out with myself. No, I'm not going to abandon all opportunity for a social life. Yeah right, I get plenty of alone time, but normally with that time I'm playing games or listening to music or dancing or reading. But I've halted everything. So yeah, I'm going to take the time to get in touch with everything that's been on my mind lately. Meditation would be very good at this time. Wolf does wonders.

Sales have been going up and the community seems aroused, just as the waking of Spring around the corner (despite recent "storms").

Again, I really don't know what to say for today. I have no crazy stories, no nothing. Except that I went through my day smoothly and that's about it. I'm a little sleepy though and it is quite early for me to be sleepy. I'm also craving an omlette and I'm trying to figure out what would be good to eat seeing as I had that yesterday lol and supposedly it isn't good if you have more than 2 eggs a week.
...
The community seems to be on the rise. How ridiculous for me to think that it would flourish during the time of year when things are dead. But I wouldn't get my hopes too high.

I have virtually nothing to say. (no pun intended). Maybe I should go play Sims 2 or something. I've got some things I want to get done like get some foks married and start makin' kids! lol

I've been revamping this blog slightly, by adding a few blog goodies which are basically little rings online of bloggers. I guess it's good to get people to your blog and comment. But as you can see (if anyone is even here) that no one likes to leave comments in my blog. Like I'm not cool enough or something. lol Oh well, it's really not that important. The blog is a nice place to vent and reflect on the feelings and experiences of the day.

It's weird. I walk into my house today and I get the overpowering smell of some sort of Tangerine or something. Maybe it's because I wasn't the last one to leave the house for once and someone thought it would be nice to give it a warm scent by lighting a candle. Well, I'm not a big fan of citrus scents. I like stuff like lavender, that gives a nice relaxing, dreamy feeling. But that's me, that's something I always want. I don't know how many realize it, but I think my head can get stuck inthe clouds often. But I think the reason why people don't say anything about it to me directly is because normally I do it when the time is right. It can be a beautiful sunny morning and I can see the reflection of the rain drops from the branches of trees dripping. Or when I see a beautiful pond surrounded by forestry and greenery.

Random thought: I spoke to this lady today who was wearing a pair of earings. I asked, "Is that moonstone?" and she looked delighted and said,

"Yes, they're very magical".

I thought that was cute.

Small Reflections

There are times when we all need a little hope to go on in our lives. Sometimes we feel that all hope is lost. That we've reached a dead end in our lives and that no matter what we do, we continue to dig ourselves in a deep hole that we can never get ourselves out of. Well, today is a day in which I've decided to take the time to reflect on the good things we have brought upon others as well as ourselves. This is a time I wish to take, to remember the good things that I have brought to others, whether it be a simple thing such as passing on a smile, to something more complex such as helping someone with a more personal problem.

It is this time that I want to take to reflect that. And with the flame of this candle and the little warmth it brings, shall it represent the small and subtle deeds that have brought warmth and happiness to others and myself. And as the candle burns should it's light touch others just as I have touched others.

In Light of Black History Month

Shame on me for not even mentioning this wonderful woman earlier in the month. And shame on me for neglecting my own history in the process. For February of 2005, I've decided to read up on and check out the works of Lorraine Hansberry. Supposedly someone who I know was reading it and said I had a lot in common with this woman when it comes to her ideals and philosophies, but people like to say things just because sometimes. So I decided this will be my project for this month. The following are some links about her and some of her works.

Here is a short and sweet autobiography.

This one talks a littlre more about her play, "A Raisin in the Sun" as well as her life.

If you're interested in actually reading her stuff, you can get it at Amazon (linked to search query)

Or if you love ebay like me, you can get it here.

Left out

Right now I'm craving a cookie I bought for lunch. I never eat all my lunch at the same time and it's never big anyway, only a 6 inch. Anyway, I'm gonna go get it.

What do you do when you haven't spoke to one person for so long only to find out that they were depressed and you're just not "cool enough" to confide in. I've never been accused to telling secrets, nor would I. I thought this person liked me, then I stopped by their blog to find out that they have not been feeling the greatest lately. Maybe it's because she realy wants emotional support and she must feel I'm too intellectual for that kind of stuff. Well if that's the case, in a way, she's right. Because sometimes I really feel as if I wouldn't know what to do. For example, if someone is in a rut and they just want to break down and cry, I wouldn't know what to do. I don't want to lie to people, but I don't want to resort to giving false hope. It's hard for me to bring up someone else's spirits.

But perhaps this person isn't my real friend. And if that's the case, oh well. I would say both of us lost because I think that we both have potential and that it could have been something.

But check this, I'm going off to school soon anyway and it seems that this person doesn't seem like the type that would last in a long distance relationship anyway. In a way, I think she may act as if she were her own Queen and that people would come to her if they really want to. I think that is a downfall of hers, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't like her. I think she's a cool person and someone who could help me loosen up some. I mean, we all have our flaws anyway, if we were all perfect living in a perfect world with no real substance, it would be kinda weird. Besides, I don't think it would last long because we'd probably be bored and resort to finding something weird to do....like convincing people to kill each other online at the same time. *rolls eyes* Like the fool in this story (Valentine's Suicide plot). *shakes head* I bet you that person was probably a genious. Most serial killers are. I think it might be because society does not cater to the needs of geniouses before they become serial killers. I think it's becasue a lot of the time society stamps down on individuality and self-expression. Society wants to do away with all things that have to do with the creative arts, poetry, good books, music of all kinds and not just a few genres. And if someone does not fit in with any of the categories of groups we've created in our thinking, they are immediately cast away and spat upon. Not only that, but there are so many prejudices that hinder us from moving forward, it is probably frustrating to get anything done these days anyway. If only we try to move forward and stop holding on to ways that would do more harm than help and be willing to accept new ideas, we'd be in a much better place.

There's a Valentine's Day for everyone

I know there are many who don't have a Valentine, however, should that stop you from enjoying yourself? I went 16 years of my life without a Valentine. The past two years I was blessed. So you can't say I've never been alone, that's not true. lol Anyway, if you can't find someone to be with, there is always a group of friends where you can indulge in chocolate all night with. Have a little party for the singles or whatever. If it hurts so bad, do something you love to do or hang out with the people you love. If it makes you feel any better 1/3 marriages in the U.S. end in divorce anyway, so relax, it's not like your missing anything. lol As for the rest of us who do have partners, it can be a complicated thing to go through if you aren't willing to keep your mind open.

Anyway, for the intellectuals or the curious ones, you should check out a link on what the origins of Valentine's Day are anyway. It's very interesting and it isn't always what we have grown up to believe in anyway.

Valentine's Day- Religious Origins and Background.

A Dose Of Racial Stupidity

Here is a little scenario for you guys, just to get a taste at what I go through.

I'm feeling a little annoyed as well as sad because of comments I heard while trying to do work at school. There were a group of guys talking about some movie I don't remember the name of. And some were saying they didn't like the movie but others were saying they liked the movie because of tits. Fine. I have no problem with that. But thne someone mentions something about there being a "black chic". And someone was saying something like, "Man, who wants to see those?" and another person in the group is like, "I don't mind. Besides, tits are tits." and another person goes on to say, "Well, you must be pretty desperate to see those".

Absolutely no consideration for my being there whatsover.

What the hell do you say to someone when you overhear such a conversation? It's a good thing it was time for me to leave because I wasn't feeling very good. So on my way out, I let the teacher know about it and told him who it was. I know a lot of these kids I'm with are on drugs anyway. Only a few of us are there because we actually don't like/don't do well in traditional schooling such as I.

That's ridiculous. And how narrowminded. Why would you want to limit yourself like that anyway? I mean, if you have your preferences, that's fine, but is it not best to simply keep such comments to yourself?

Have you ever felt that no matter how loving you are and how much people say you are loving, that there are times when you hurt the people you love so bad, it makes you think twice about your true nature?

Well, I've been known to do that. I think it's that I really want to be compassionate towards others. I really do care about people. But there are times when I feel they have hurt me so much that I think they should get a tase of their own medicine immediately.

I think people are so complicated. And we Scorpios are the worst when it comes to relationships. We are the most complicated partners to have and I really do feel bad for those who end up with me. But I even feel sorrier for myself because of my sometimes complicated nature. I get so emotional and can quickly draw out the stinger and strike unexpectedly. How scary, that sometimes I think it's funny. But I guess that's when I don't care about someone so much and they've done so many things to hurt me, that it's hilarious to see them freeze in the face of their own wrath.

I've gotta get some sleep and stop worrying, another bad trait of mine. I have work really early tomorrow.

Hasta luego

Don't have much to say except that I enjoy the things I've gotten recently. There are always ups and downs, but that's life and is to be expected. Activity in the community is going down, but things should be picking up soon enough.

...Wow, I really have nothing to say...lol I should probably go play Sims 2 or something. That will be fun. It can be so slow seeing as I'm trying to hook people up so they can grow up together. Sometimes I don't want to stop playing with one family so that I can bring up the other family. But it's something I gave myself to do and the rewards are always good so it's worth it. I like seeing people go along in the fmaily tree. It's cool looking at the resemblences of children with their grandparents.

But the actual scenario I set up for myself is so slow, only one of my Sims has died and I've been playing the game for months now. But then again, I have about 15-20 families and many people are growing up and not having spouses. when that happens I have to go make them one, build or download a house and figure out who is moving into what house. Then taking care of the baby alone can be quite a thing. Then while I'm doing that, I decide whether or not I want to bother buying clothes for the baby seeing as it's only a baby for 3 days. Then before you know it, it's a toddler. Then I try to figure out what skills I want it to excel in and try to focus on that. For example, if I want a kid interested in music and creativity later on in his life, I want him to be prepared, so I buy them a xylophone or something. By that time, I want to play with a different family.

While doing that I decide I want the parents to hurry and have another kid, maybe one to carry onth e family name. Then when I do that, a sim that I've forgotten about walks on the sidewalk or calls asking why they aren't friends anymore. Then I want to go play with that family. lol It's such a fun game...always setting goals for yuorself and your sims. And I get so into the game that if someoen comes in the room while I'm playing, I'll tell the person what I'm about to do or something and they'll look at me weird because I play with the sims by looking through their point of life, so I'm like God knowing the thoughts of everyone and everything and being everywhere at the "same time" (You start off where you left off when opening a house/family). It's so much fun.

Peace

Art obsession

Lately I've been obsessed with art. I have plans to redo my enitre room taking down all the cut-outs from my room and putting up real nice beautiful fantasy art. When I'm done, I'll take pictures. But today I wanted to share that I received my signed "Dryad" print from Rob Carlos. You can view it here as I don't have permission to post his images. She's beautiful isn't she? I made a new hole in my wall for her to hang from. I hope my mom doesn't get mad. She knows I love art. And besides, I asked her before about doing this.

Another piece of good news is that I'm finally getting my first car. The bad news is, it's an old folks car and I'm not going to be too proud and showing it off either. It's a green '94 Plymouth Acclaim that I'm getting cheap from some old guy. God I'm gonna feel so stupid in front of all my friends. But hey, it's gonna be roomy in the backseat and we all know what that means. Seeing as my boyfriend is all into mechanics, he'll be available to help me with any problems I may have.

...this sux lol

Wolf, moon, stars and feather necklace

Okay, yesterday I said I would get the picture of the necklace that I described. Well, here it is.




The following is the design of the bottom portion (the lowest when it falls from your neck)




And this is the actual wolf, moon and feather. It's a little blurry in the picture, but you get the drift. Isn't it beautiful? When I go back to the store, I'll ask the owner who made it.

Mystical Shopping

Recently I went to a nice Mystical Shoppe just to "introduce" it to someone I knew. So I walked around looking. Of course the people there are very nice and aren't stuck up and don't say hello to the customers. Even customers say hello to each other even if they don't know each other. I know I have and I've received the same. Anyway, I was eying the jewelry because I wanted something new. I ended up finding a beautiful silver necklace with black moon and stars with lots of beads. In the center there is a wolf with a feather and moon. The moon is behind the wolf's head as it howls. The feather is apart of the circle that the wolf and everything is within. It's really interesting. I'd say the circle itself is about an inch in diameter...

Unfortunately, I'm not very good at describing this so I'll just show show a pic, unfortunately I don't have my digital camera today but I'll definately have it up tommorow.

Overhaul

I couldn't wish people a merry Imbolc because blogger was down. I didn't like that. That's my first experience of not being able to access blogger that wasn't the fault of my computer! WOW!

Anyway, yes, Happy Imbolc for those who do celebrate. I've been doing some cleaning. I'm redecorating my room basically and I'm going to "install" lots of art instead of magazine cutouts. Some of them I think were really good because a lot of them were beautiful animal and nature scences from National Geographic, but I crave something different. So I was searching online for religious and fantasy prints cheap. I found some by some pretty good artists such as Tom Halverson and Rob Carlos. I've never heard of these artists. I've already got two prints. One of Jessica Galbreth's called "The Morrigan" and the other is "Captured" by Amy Brown. So soon enough I will be getting "The Last Tear" by Tom Halverson and "Dryad" by Rob Carlos. My room really needed a makeover. At least in my opinion anyway, others think it's such a comfortable place. Maybe they just sense the spiritual energy that I keep building up in there, but I think that place needs an overhaul.

So as some of you may know, I'm really cheap and all. It's a really good thing there is a discount store not far from where I live so I'll be very excited to check out some cheap pieces of decorations. As long as it's beautiful, it doesn't matter to me. Some people like their beauty to have material value, but I like mine to have a much deeper value than that. Art to me, is a chance to escape our reality and gives us room to dream. As long as we return back to reality and momentarily fantasize of places we can only visit during our sleep time I think we could be sane and alright.