Brahman creates the game of life...

Quote for today:

Brahman creates the game of life by breaking Himself into parts that undergo transformation and extinction.

Yet while he takes on all the roles required by the game, He also always remains free of the game and intact as Brahman.

-Abhinavagupta

I believe this is true in the sense that we are all the various pieces of God (in this quote known as Brahman) who experiences various life forms simultaneosly. Yet, at the same time, there is an unconscious consciousness of all of this. The transformation and extinction in this quote, to me means death and rebirth. Although we may die, the consciousness still lives. The purpose of all of this? In my opinion, it is to learn and to apreciate Him (or everything that surrounds us and ourselves).

In many ancient religions, this is what was beleived of God or the Great Spirit. And that was that God is everywhere and in everything. Perhaps this is how He/She/It knows everything?

Happy Samhain/Halloween!

I just want to post here to wish everyone a Happy Halloween. This day and the next two days (All Saints and All Souls Day) are days in which we basically remember and acknwoledge the dead. Do all you can to enjoy this Holiday.

Blessed Be!

Religious Ancestry

I've been getting e-maisl lately by what seems to be a little Christian girl. Perhaps maybe 12 or 13. The way she writes with all the color and the background and comic sans font, that's what I assumed. But I more or so assumed it because of her writing style. It could also be someone who simply hasn't grown up yet, but of well.

Anyway, she seems very wary about her faith. She read my essay about whether or not Christians should celebrate Halloween. I thought I was pretty self explanatory in my approach. Basically I said that if you believe the ENTIRE bible, then perhaps you wouldn't want to celebrate Halloween. If you beleive that parts of it are God inspired and other parts are simply direclty from the minds of men without a thought of God, then depending on which parts you believe in, I would think you could celebrate. If you're a Christian actively into the history of your religion, then you would know that Halloween and many of the other holidays have Pagan origins. And if you honor your religious "ancestry" then you should feel no guilt in celebrating Halloween at all.

And then she sends me an e-mail saying she's got so many questions on the Bible. I told her that I am willing to help her. I told her that if we do not question ourselves, then how would we understand ourselves? I should have explained that clearer so she doesn't get the wrong idea. But I will know in her next reply hopefully.

But anyway, for those who really want to get into the history of Halloween, I have provided a link:

The History of Halloween -- It's Probably Not What You Think

I urge people, if they truly want to know the origins, to go and do your own research. However, if you're lazy and/or do not wish to learn about the true origins of Halloween, I suggest you keep your ignorant mouth shut.

October is almost over

I know October is almost over, but I just wanted to let anyone who reads this blog know that this month is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

And of course, the 15th was National Mammogram Day.(" The third Friday in October each year is National Mammography Day, first proclaimed by President Clinton in 1993. On this day, or throughout the month, radiologists provide discounted or free screening mammograms. In 2003, more than 705 American College of Radiology (ACR) accredited facilities took part." from National Breast Cancer Awareness Month) But either way, I got an e-mail about this and I felt the need to pass the information on. Here are some links for those who wish to study more:

The Breast Cancer Site
Women's Health (in general)

The Struggle for Religious Tolerance and Freedom Still Lives

Maybe it's me getting frustrated with religious fundamentalists. My birthday was yesterday, I'm 18 now. :) The 23rd, I went to Salem, Mass for both my birthday and Halloween. Of course, it was crowded and freezing (I didn't even recall that last year when I went, I was happy to be there). Besides that, I had a wonderful time! Anyway, I mentioned Christians because as many of us know, Salem seems to hold a pretty large Pagan population, along with a fair amount of Christians, Mormons and some Jews. As I was walking through Essex St. enjoying the beautiful sounds of South American music and enjoying the various costumes and perhaps even ritual wear, I came across this elderly woman that had what seemed to be brochures. A lot of people were standing outside with brochures. I try hard not to have eye contact with these people because I just don't like the idea of being hassled over something they know I don't want. To my "luck", my eyes met with the elderly woman. She immediately gave me a small thin piece of folded paper and she said something about "Jesus loves you".

I rolled my eyes and I was like, "aww man, are you serious?" So I laughed a little and tried not to get mad over it as I walked on. Well, at the other end of the street, there was an elderly man. He had a crossing guard jacket on or something with cut out letters that said, "If you died today, would you go to Heaven?"

I found that such a sad sight. It was a cloudy day with weather barely keeping it's head above 60, and he pains himself with these flyers to many people who don't seem to care. I felt like I had to cry. Was he put there on purpose or did he want to do it? It's amazing what love for Spirit can do to a human. It angered me at the same time though. We're all out in Salem to have fun, to enjoy the spirit of Halloween and the spirit of Salem; a town that has seemed to overcome religious hardships and hypocrisy for peace. Whose to say peace has entirely overcome the town? There are huge beautiful stone churches. There was one Catholic church that had some sort of plant in which the branches crawl and cling. I'm not sure if it really was a vine or whatever (I'm not one to know a lot about nature and plants). But it was a beautiful looking shrine to Mother Mary. An arch and a back, as if to preserve and protect her. I'm neither Christian nor Catholic, but that was simply something that could give someone a little peace just by looking at it.

Comprehend Your Relationship with God

Every once in a while, I actually look at the Words of Wisdom I get in my inbox from Beliefnet. Maybe every once in a while it would be nice to express how some of these quotes and selections make me feel.

Behold the words of the Qur'an:
"We are closer to you than you are yourself."
Comprehend your relationship with God!
He is closer to us than our own selves.
Yet through ignorance we search for Him
Wandering from door to door.

-Sufi poem

I think this is quite true. We seek outside of ourselves for Divinity when it could very well reside within ourselves. I guess it's better to search within rather than without. The line that speaks of Spirit being closer to us than we are, I think that is true too. I mean, don't many think that it is Spirit that knows us best?

Election Day inches closer...

Man, I'm so glad it's Friday! I've got a little work to catch up on in school, but other than that, I think I'll be fine. I've been getting good grades. But enough about school, I'm so glad I'm home for another few days.

I'm afraid... election is coming up. I am a registered voter and this is my first time voting. I'll be turning 18 soon, and election day is on All Souls' Day, or November 2nd. In a way, I like the intensity of not knowing who is going to be president, but at the same time, there is a lot of fear. I'm hoping that whoever wins, they better fix this mess we got ourselves into. We need to get out of Iraq and learn to leave people alone. Bush and his regime needs to learn to tell the truth about what has been going on the past four years in our country and in other countries that may truly concern us. Instead, we run to try to get an oil fix. Personally, I think this entire thing is a business deal gone wrong, and Bush is a bad business man (or maybe a good one since he only cares about himself).

Here is a cool flash cartoon/movie one might like to see: Play Osama Lotto

Goths, go to hell...Catholic fundie style

For all you Goths out there, you're going straight to hell! Understand that right now! You are the scum of the Earth according to God, our Lord, and you will suffer an eternity in hell!

Such bullshit... I'm no Goth and I have no reason to persecute Goths or anyone else unless they've tried to hurt someone. Here is a message from the fundies that I got through e-mail...

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.

Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic
worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn
Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the
Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult,
witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may
speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are
but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires
believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and
should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask
your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church

I'll give anyone a chance to express their thoughts on the message from these Catholic fundies...

Between dream and wake

Today has been a good day. I've been noticing that I've been having a little trouble differentiating between the waking and dream world. It seems that they are blending together. For me, this is unusual because I was very good at interpreting dreams, retaining and remembering them as well as remembing a real life event. I would boast saying that I could tell the difference, but now, I can no longer do that. I really have to think about an event if it happend in the past and to check to see if I woke up after. lol

The veil becomes thinner...

Talk about messages from the dead. Many times I joke around with my mom and try to scare her by telling her there are ghosts in our house. So yesterday on my way home from work she mentions how it would be nice to visit the grave of my deceased grandfather. Well, not even a minute after, all the locks on the car doors open. Neither my mom or I had our hands on the lock. She had both hands on the wheel and I had my hands clutching my purse and paycheck which was in my lap. I luahged and said, "See? They even follow everywhere I go too!"

The Verdict?

Many times when one annoys you, you might find it hard to let them know in a way in which they will simply listen and go away. But whatever the reason, sometimes it seems best to simply not tell one that they are too immature and self-centered to even bother listening to you. So at times, you use a much harsher approach than you would normally take in a way that you think they would better understand. When someone annoys the shit out of you, what do you do? What the hell would you do? And to what extent? Does it depend on the situation, the type of ways they annoy you or what? Is it human nature to lash out or is it a lack of self-control on your part?

At times, you may not be "sane" enough to think all of these questions through. And then the situation gets much worse than the other outcome may have become. Isn't it tough?

Tried my hand at decorating

So I tried making this blog look better. It seems this process is going to take a little longer than I thought because I am very, very picky about what I do and use to make it look the way I'd like it. I added some dolls that I thought kinda represents who I am. I plan on doing more to this place, but it seems I've been online forever.

I feel much better and not so sluggish and bored lately. Again, that was totally not like me. So far it seems as if I'm enjoying this blog idea. I never thought something like this would get so popular, it's insane!

I don't think I have anything more to say for today.

And it drags along...

I skipped school yesterday and today. I like school now that it is more like the way I wanted it to be. I think I skipped because I feel I needed a break. The teachers are nice and we get to work at our own pace (somewhat). This is no traditional classroom as we can do as we please (work out, play music, watch movie) as long as we don't cause trouble and as long as we get our work done. I'm getting much better grades than last time when I was in traditional schooling and have another chance on the honor roll. I've become more confident and am actually becoming more and more myself in front of others now. Earlier it was harder because I didn't think I could relate to anyone there because everbody does drugs or gets arrested or has come out of rehab one way or another. I cannot relate to them because I don't do that stuff. I feel I am more confident in playing my type of music and being more open with the teachers. I'm so shy, every time I have a question, I'd go up to the teacher and ask, even if it's not an embarassing question. Basically, no one really knows who I am and who I hang out with, which is fine with me. But when it comes to activities and stuff, I can easily be skipped over b/c I'm so quiet and make a little statement of myself. But enough fo school. :P

And as for this one girl, I don't want to even bother with her b/c when we were friends, she'd take up half my time talking on the phone. As I turned on the comp a few minutes ago to let some of this tension out, I was tempted to simply erase all existence of her again on the community. Deleting every post one by one and every thread. It's not that she's doing anything wrong, but I don't want to have a friend who always relies on me and any attempt to try to correct her would lead to some sort of "I can't be bothered with that"... oh well. :P

So today I got a message from my teacher on the voicemail asking why I haven't been in and if everything was okay. Emotionally, everything is not okay. I feel more left-behind than ever. It seems everyone has established themselves somewhere and seems confident. I'm turning 18 the week after this sunday and I still don't drive. I have to have my mom or my friends haul me around everywhere. I was supposed to graduate last year, but I don't think that bothers me because I'm not in the main school building that I once was apart of. I just missed the deadline for SAT sign-ups and I wanted to take them as early as possible so that I can go to college as soon as possible. My boyfriend is starting to go to college to study mechanics in a few days. He'll still be living at home, but the time for us will be less than what it already is because he works a lot.

Sometimes it seems things don't move as fast as they used to for me as I'm quite an impatient one. I mean, I know things will turn out okay in the end, but the process really sux. :P

I blogged today...

Aww man... talk about being bored. I don't think I've ever been so bored in my life. It's like I do everything and it's no fun anymore. I mean, I just feel like talking so I'm gonna talk. :)

Everyday, I dance and sing, talk to my dog, play sims 2, get online, read the local papers, talk to a friend or two, get online, dance with my dog, bother some family with my non-stop talking, go back to my room, look at my bookshelf, decide what I want to read today only to find out I took out all my fiction books for religious stuff. Don't want to study religion, goes to find some food, has cravings for cheese, goes and grates some cheese into a bowl. I pick out of it more and more clumps of cheese. Had enough.

So I begin my blog today. Something that I have been putting off for the longest time because of things past my control. So I guess you can say I haven't been putting it off, but merely looking for the right time to jump in. I guess if it wasn't for my burn-out, I would have been okay. It is not usual for me to lose interest in everything. Perhaps it is because deep down, I'm exhausted. Like previously pointed out, I'm burned out. I'm not sure if it's from school or what. Nothing has gone terribly wrong for me to think otherwise.

But imagine, were it not for this day, I probably wouldn't have started this blog, so there is something to look forward to. :)

I suppose I can introduce myself. As you can see, my name is ScorpionTear. I am into religion and philosophy and I like having discussions on such topics. You may think it's funny, but I don't like having more friends than I have the time for. Speaking of friends, most of them are into the same thing I am (wow...). Some consider us transcendentalists, others simply may see us as strange people with strange tastes. To an extent, whatever strange may be, I suppose this is true. I have an eclectic taste in music ranging from the latest rap, metal, rock and r&b, to traditional Arabic, Greek and funky techno classical mixes (without killing the origianl classical piece of course). New Age is my favorite out of all the themes with Mythos being my favorite New Age duo.

I love animals and I have a beautiful Jack Russell Terrier name Jack. (original huh?) He's very special to me. I like being outside and wading through brookes and streams. I like being near water where I can hear the trickle of it. I especially like this sound as I go to sleep. To fix this seeing as I am not a big fan of being outside when it's dark unless there is a full moon, I have one of those enviorscapes where you plug it into the wall and relax. I usually sleep with that as well as some classical music and I wake up feeling very refreshed in the morning; usually my dog is with me as well.

I most welcome people's comments in my blog. sorry about today, but its rainy outside and I'm terribly bored. I'm nearly done with the book A Child Called "It" by David Pelzer that I started yesterday. That's how bored I am, I was able to read an entire book and still be bored. But it's a great book, like I said before, I think I'm exhausted and need to rejuvinate somwehere or something. Thanks for reading. :)